Hayley's story

I’ve been a carer since August 2018, following my husband sustaining a spinal cord injury after a life-changing accident. He is now a full-time wheelchair user. Alongside my full-time job, I help Vincent with personal care, mainly bladder and stoma care and washing and dressing if the paid care workers aren’t there. I also do the usual household chores like dinner – just without the help! 

Some people go into a caring role knowingly due to inevitable factors, but I was launched full throttle into the unknown. I wish I’d known when I started caring that I am not alone and that there are organisations like Carers UK that can offer support where you most need it.

Getting started

I am a strong swimmer and swam for a club in my teens, but before I started caring I would go through spates of being super active, then back to couch potato! I had been getting more active just before Vincent’s accident; that went on hold initially, but one thing that was really drilled into both of us throughout Vincent’s hospital stay was the importance of self-care. My biggest fear in the beginning was leaving Vincent on his own and me not being able to get to him quickly enough. That soon changed because at the end of the day we are husband and wife and who doesn’t like getting away from the hubby for a while! I also realised that I needed to clear my mind for both our sanity, and also keep fit. Lifting a grown man and his wheelchair up a step or curb takes some muscle, as well as technique! 

I tried to get into running first, mainly because it’s free. Then I did the craziest thing and signed up for a 5k run through work. “It’s for charity,” I thought. “Why not?” I was actually super proud of myself as I hadn’t trained much before and I pushed through right till the end! I genuinely feel that any activity, even gardening, makes me feel energised and my endorphins soar. It’s so important for someone with a caring role to find balance or one of you is likely to crack under the pressure. 

I love walking, going to the gym and doing my gym class – Piloxing (a blend of Pilates, boxing and dance). It’s great for the endorphins and it’s a chance to forget everything just for an hour or so. There is something very therapeutic about punching the air mixed with Pilates and dance! It is also great for stress relief, makes me feel alive after class and just boosts my energy tenfold. Going to Piloxing also means I see other human beings! The class I attend is full of all abilities and everyone is so friendly.

Finding the time for self-care

Once I started caring for Vincent, time was a huge barrier to being physically active. I had none spare! It was spent working, keeping my home going, making sure the dog was OK whilst I did hospital visits, joined in consultant meetings and got some food in my tummy in between. 

To other carers who are struggling to find time to be physically active, I’d say that self-care is so important that even if it’s just two hours a week, you should try to schedule it into your timetable. And if you need help, speak out. I thought I was a warrior and then hit a wall in October 2021. I had to take some time off work to reset myself and the gym was my saviour. Even a walk round the block can make all the difference to your mind-set. Check out any walking or running clubs that are free in your area and you might meet some people in the same position as you.

Carers also need more affordable gym membership! Many carers are on Carer’s Allowance, which really doesn’t go far. I tried a mainstream gym but it was really expensive. I’m now a member of the YMCA and they are so supportive of all their members.

I’m now doing another 5k run with a friend in May. It’s been hard to find the time to train for it because of the dark evenings and I can’t go during the day at the moment due to work pressures, and we’ve also had some setbacks recently with a hospital stay and appointments. But my friend and I are going to start training together in the next week or so – I need to get those trainers on!